I haven’t seen you in awhile,
and it seems to be better for me
Since every time you were around
you brought nothing pain and nothing but misery
I can’t seem to regret losing touch,
because with you
I had so much to feel bad about
But now,
I have
a new sense of self,
a new life that doesn’t include you
So while I wish we hadn’t met
and I wish we didn’t kiss
Leaving you in the past isn’t something I regret
You’re beautiful,
In the most tragic, heartbroken way
(though perhaps I should say handsome, male and all that-
though there’s something different about it,
beautiful is better as you’re a half finished painting
And paintings are quite beautiful)
You’re unique,
A true one of a kind and only one
I could search for years and not see another like you
You’re a storm,
one I never want to stop watching
One I want to go on for good-
Exciting and calming,
I guess it’s natural as I love the rain so
You remind me of a poem waiting to be written,
or a song about to be sung
The most haunting violin solo one will ever hear
Even if it draws my very being to tears,
I want to know everything you feel-
Every pain and every burden,
and let you know it isn’t yours to carry alone
No matter what it is,
I want to know what makes your eyes seem empty
And your heart so heavy
I want to wrap my arms around you,
and make the night easier for us both
I want to be for you,
what you are for me-
A safe haven, a comfort, a friend,
someone to love and protect,
and trust enough to let them help
You’re flawed in the most perfect way,
for me that it-
You’re awkward and brilliant,
and all I could want
Everything clears-
but at the same time the sky darkens,
the water rises,
the air thickens
Things slowly begin to make more sense-
yet my thoughts are still muddled,
my mind still illogical
Very little is staying the same-
but you stay,
you don’t change
The voices I hear,
are not my own-
Their ideas,
are not ones I have thought
The images I see,
are they real?
Or all the make believe?
This plaguing fear,
and agonizing anxiety-
Is not the life I thought I’d live
These marks on my skin,
why are they there?
These thoughts in my head,
where are they from?
These memories I seem to have,
are they even true?
How much of me,
can I trust?
The world isn’t perfect-
There’s pain and hate
There’s sadness and death
Our lives aren’t the best-
We cry
We bleed,
and sometimes want to die
We’re not always right,
we don’t always know what to do
I’m me and you’re you-
Such a great thing when we’re together
This doesn’t always make sense
My mind is all over,
I can be ruled by my emotions
But you’re the calm to this storm,
order to the chaos-
You’re the logic I’m missing
You give me hope,
you make me feel so safe
This world isn’t exactly ideal,
but that’s okay when I’m with you
Peace is in my mind,
hope is in my heart-
While doubt floats through my thoughts
Calmed are my nerves,
yet nervous is my soul
Alrighty, so I haven’t actually typed anything on here… I’ve actually been busy (in a very minor way)!
I just yeah, actually starting to do things again. Bit odd, not gonna lie. But I appreciate being having things to do, otherwise I have too much time to think. Which is a bit bad for someone like me.. Anyways, Jean nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger award 🙂 She’s fantastic.
So, as the rules dictate, I present seven random facts about me!
1. I’m an introvert with anxiety
2. I have a bit of an obsession with tea
3. I have three or four Tumblr accounts
4. I’m dating my best friend
5. In case you couldn’t guess, I’m a nerd. But if you did guess than I’m also a bit of a hippie
6. I have minor OCD, but my mind works in what I refer to organized chaos
7. I’m an insomniac
Now for the more interesting part! I nominate 15 other beautiful bloggers! Except, I’m not sure how many there actually will be since yeah, I’m unsure as to how many I know of..
For sure http://xblackcatx.wordpress.com though
Oh these are in random order, just so you know.
Definitely http://rockstarronan.com just, her posts are so, so heartfelt and I’d be lying if I said they didn’t make me cry
http://iamnotdefined.wordpress.com/
http://onethousandsingledays.com/
http://jadedstone11.wordpress.com/
http://agirlnamedjenna.wordpress.com/
http://starlitrose.wordpress.com/
http://teyahdreams.wordpress.com/
http://halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com/
http://thesweetestsecret.wordpress.com/
http://sweetsantuary.wordpress.com/
http://medusamoon.wordpress.com/
http://cribbings.wordpress.com/
Peace is all I want-
and it seems to be all that truly avoids me
I want calm and relaxation,
just a moment of quiet-
Just to close my eyes and wake up refreshed
I always feel more exhausted then when I laid down,
and sleep is just a nothingness
The dawns brightest light,
cannot remove the inner torment
that haunts me,
caused by my ever changing thoughts
and irrational emotions
That worsens with the pain-
With every thought of self-hate,
every cut
every thought to starve until I’m thin and pretty
every night I stay awake with thoughts of never being good enough
and a loneliness that makes no sense
That deepens the hole in my chest,
an empty space that seems to be relentless in it’s existence
that is accompanied by a fear of abandonment
The night is unsafe,
but it’s my only time of peace from the bedlam of the day
and the insecurity it brings
I seemed to have become,
the very thing I never believed I would-
A monster onto myself,
my very own enemy
tearing my self down
down,
down..
my thoughts i cant decode 