When I am Alone

No, no, no, no
This wasn’t supposed to go like this

Your my savior,
But I can’t always find you
Or find the courage to let you help

You helped me fix myself-
Just by doing barely anything
But I can’t keep it up for too long

I’m fighting for him, for them,
handling ghosts and demons that aren’t my own
I’m losing my battle
I can’t fight for myself, when that’s who I should
fight for the hardest

Everything is slipping away-
Reality,
Happiness,
Will,
Control
I can’t help it
Nothing makes sense anymore,
When it should be

I should be happy
I should have the will to fight
I should be in control-
not have the urge, or at least control them better
I shouldn’t think these tainted thoughts-
   I know I should be better,
   I wish I could be,
   if not for myself then for them
I shouldn’t feel like nothing’s worth living for-
   like nothing’s worth smiling at,
   like nothing makes me happy

My family, my friends, my love-
   They’re all there for me,
   make me happy for a bit
Yet when they’re gone,
   when they stop talking,
everything comes back
When I’m alone,
   there is no hope

~ by Little Miss Moon on December 15, 2011.